Aurora aurum in ore habet
Il mattino ha l'oro in bocca. This Italian quote traces back to the Latin phrase aurora aurum in ore habet, meaning "the dawn has gold in its mouth".
My life these days makes this quote feel true. I’ve been waking up fairly early, between 5 and 7 am before the sun rises, I center myself in a small meditation, make tea and sit at my desk to write. And I’m enjoying it so much.
Today one part of me lurked in and tried to convince me to quit enjoying this: “what’s the point? No one is reading your stuff, focus on what will bring the cash! It’s long overdue! You cannot just do what you like and hope it will lead somewhere!”
I caught myself smiling subtly. “Oh dear, I’m sorry you were conditioned to think this way”. I reflected back, caressing that wound in my heart that this way of thinking kept on opening.
This time though I have many many examples of why bulldozing myself out of what I like and into some gray miserable future, DOES NOT ACTUALLY WORK.
Examples I collected over the past years, real life experiences of me pushing myself to do something I actually and foundationally don’t like to do and overriding myself to please others.
That belief that I’ve grown to implement into my daily actions, kept me hidden, somewhat protected from envy, kept me poor and dependent on others in a disempowering way, it paralyzed my back, it made me brace in a constant level of tolerable physical pain. I could list many cases in point. But because it kept me somewhat “safe”, it’s still there. At what cost though?
On top of my agenda, which I rarely use, I wrote “I create stability through alignment, not pressure. My value is measured by how I see myself and whether I am enjoying life or not”.
Yes, this is a motivational quote that expands me rather than shrinks me. And it’s just a quote until I find the courage to go and LIVE life with that philosophy.
“Courage comes from the heart” was written on the label of a vintage jacket I got 11 years ago. The heart is the center where all the actions, words, relationships, projects I’m proud of started.
But safety within is important, to step into the unknown that doing things differently carries.
Otherwise our whole system, through our nervous system, reverts back to what is sustainable for us which is the same that kept us imprisoned but safe. The truth is that increasing the nervous system capacity is a slooooow and humbling journey. It’s all about trying new things that are somewhat outside our zone of comfort but not too risky, one step at a time. All while being in dialogue with our body.
My body, like anything in nature, is adaptable. It’s designed with its biological adaptations to constantly expand capacity, everything moves towards a dynamic equilibrium, being better adapted to life circumstances.
When I discovered that I am meant to creatively express myself while also holding space for others, I realized that I needed to embody the truths and wisdom I acquired on my path. That means begin living MYSELF what I am meant to do. I can only guide others by securely anchoring myself in my own truth and launching fearlessly into new experiences showing everyone else what is possible.
It’s an exciting but uncertain journey which requires a lot of trust, trials and errors and a continuing dialogue with my own body.
I didn’t want to share this because it exposes parts of me that are afraid and superstitious, but here we go: this morning I prayed to the universe to show me how good and abundant economically life can get when I follow my creative urges and when I slow down and savour the pleasure that moves in my body. I want it to turn out that when I follow my creative urges, when I speak my truth, Life leads to more meaningful connections, more abundance, to my path.
I’ll keep you posted on how that goes :)